I have discovered since giving Grady pig ears, that he has a philosophical streak. He will lay there and tear, bite or chew off a piece and masticate it while questioning and/or solving all the issues of man and dogkind. This of course, is when he’s not filching food off the counter. Fresh or frozen, it’s all fair game to him.
A typical session of inner examination goes something like this:
Bite 1: Mm, good. Not as much fiber as the cat hairball I ate last night, but good. I really ought to get a job as dietary consultant to dogs in third world countries. Give a dog a bone, he chews for a day. Teach him to fetch it and you’ll never have peace. Bark! Bark! Bark! That will teach whoever it is that knocks at the front door and leaves things that make her swear. I wonder if she’s still mad about the rolls I snagged off the counter last Friday.
Bite 2: You know what the problem with the world is? They don’t have enough chew toys. If everyone just laid down and chewed for a while like this, there’d be far fewer arguments. A pig ear in every pot would solve the world’s woes. Unless the pot was on the counter, and you knocked it over trying to get the pig ear out. There’s that freaking squirrel trying to climb the patio door again. I wonder if there are any rolls left.
Bite 3: I wish she’d turn off the radio. I still think inflicting CBC radio on us every day is animal cruelty. Though at times I would like to call in to the noon program when they have the smartass vet on. He is so wrong on so many things. He knows nothing when it comes to why we lick our butts if there is someone visiting. It’s a displacement reaction that allows us to hide our embarrassment for our humoms when Aunt Sallie shows up in Spandex. And doesn’t bring us anything to eat. Not even a roll. Sneeze! Sneeze! Sneeze! Damn cat farts under my nose every time.
Bite 4: Now if I were a politician, I’d tell the government they were barking up the wrong tree. Mail delivery every two days? Do you have any idea what that will do to the dog population of Canada? There aren’t enough doggy psychiatrists to handle the backlash. I would try and convey how passionate I am about the issue by worming my way in between her knees and staring, but I’m pretty sure she’s still ticked about those rolls. Ah nuts, I’ll just scratch my ear with my back foot instead. Oops, cat stuck between the toes again.
Bite 5: I don’t understand “fashion”. Why do humans need to keep taking off their fur and replacing it with new fur. I have one suit. It does for formal occasions like butt sniffing, and for casual encounters like trying to toss a cat. It’s wash and dry, no ironing, and if I get food on it, like crumbs from frozen rolls, I just lick them off. What was that? Did I hear the rattle of grocery bags?
Bite 6: Shrinkage, it’s all about shrinkage. You get less and less stuff in packages these days for higher and higher prices. Just look at this pig ear – only a shred left. Not even good for a half hour chew. It wasn’t hardly enough to take the edge off before dinner. Maybe I ought to go check the counter again, in case she got more rolls. I should probably put on the innocent face, first.
BOL! The pig’s ear doesn’t last that long in this house either. I like your line of thinking Grady. Especially about checking out the counter for more rolls. And the embarrassment displacement!
Thanks Finnie. Grady appreciates being understood. He claims I don’t. I have no idea what he’s talking about.
I absolutely loved this post and this insight into the mind of a deep thinking dog…I’ve shared this one all over…thank you !
Grady…dude!! How can you bask in the joy that is porkie-piggy ears with ALL that thinking!!!? You are like the philosopher of blogville…hmmmm…bet the chicks dig it. Well played G…we see where you’re going with this 😉
He’ll go about as far as the fridge. Then the closet where the dog food is kept. And maybe over to the counter to surf it again.
Oh Grady, Grady — a penny for your thoughts! I bet you could get your own call-in show, or maybe just do some one-on-one therapy sessions with pet owners. They have dog whisperers so you could be a people whisperer — pets could bring their troubled owners in. Think about it Grady . . . fame, fortune.
He’s already thought about it and is currently considering a book 🙂
Oh I had my first pig ear, It did last me a little while.. My humom leaves nuffin on the counter, since her Chickun went missing..BOL Great to see you Grady and I’m’z giving’z youz a big Kizz xx00xx
Mollie and Alfie
I have oldtimer’s…that’s how I forget about the food. And it doesn’t help that he’s so darn tall and the counter was made for a short person.
Grady, Berr feels your pain about the lack of rolls. My counter is kept bare of food because of him and bread of any kind is one of his very favorite things. Never mind that he’s allergic to it. It’s about time your mom started providing you with pig ears. Enjoy!
Berr is responsible for the weekly pig ear feast. He only got one yesterday because he was a good boy. And I had a temporary lapse and forgot about the rolls.
Pigs ears don’t last long with me, Dad says It’s because I’ve got a big mouth the cheek of it.
Sheba.
Next time he says that, you want to stare at his, long and hard. Then give a little sniff and walk away.
Wow, Grady. Given enough pig ears I think you could solve the world’s problems!
Yes, but how many would it take to get him to leave my food alone? LOL!
haha, Great post. Grady is a philosopher at heart 🙂
And at stomach.