Archive for January, 2013

Looking for a date?

Grady is dressed up in his togs from Downton Abbey, ready to take some hot little number to the Valentine’s Ball.

grady costume ball



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grady downton abbey

Well, not exactly, but almost. You see, every Sunday night, my neighbour comes over and we watch Downton Abbey together. There’s no fun in trashing the characters and plot by yourself. Grady usually gets bought off with a cheese stuffed bone, so he leaves us alone when I have company, but not on Sunday nights.

It appears that Grady has a thing for Downton Abbey. He becomes hyper wound up, rushes in and out of the living room at a pace that would put Carson’s eyebrows right up over his hairline, and takes every twist and turn in the action as if it were happening to him. That’s when I realized….he wants a part in Downton Abbey. Seriously….you should have seen the histrionics when Edith got left at the altar. I think he would have married her himself.

But what part could he play? The ladies are obviously out of the running. Because there are parts of him that not even a 1920s reproduction dress could really disguise. Lord Grantham was ruled out first. Grady could no more restrain his response to an imminent crisis (like being out of Dentastix) than he could whistle and foxtrot Mrs. Patmore around the ballroom at the same time. (Although he might like to try that, because she has all the food.)

Matthew was out as well. Grady hasn’t an ounce of romance in his whole body. Not when he burps in your face while he kisses you. He has no ability to scheme either so there went Thomas. Grady does it all up front and then looks at you as if you should have realized why he just stole your lunch.

Given that he’s tall and rangy, and has a red tint to his hair, he’d be perfect for the part of the new footman, Alfred, who as Lady Mary says, acts like a puppy who’s been rescued from a puddle. I’m sure there’d be a suit to fit him somewhere. They seem to have an inexhaustible supply of them in all sizes. It should be no problem to find one with four arms/legs. And if they do have a problem, they can get Miss O’Brien to do the alterations.

I can see it now….

On the way in to serve dinner, Grady catches Branson setting fire to the drapes and swiftly lifts a leg to extinguish it while retaining his aplomb, as he trots behind Carson. His first duty will be to offer the gravy to Lord Grantham. Unfortunately, he will have already set the silver salver and boat on the floor and cleaned the gravy out, but he’ll offer it with panache, anyway. The Dowager Duchess will ask the room at large whether footmen shave at all these days. Carson will grab the salver, allowing Grady to jump up and grab the prime rib roast off the tray Thomas is carrying. Carson will then drop the gravy boat and bend over to pick it up, giving Grady the perfect exit as he bounds off Carson’s back, onto the table, and races down the length of it, scattering Waterford crystal here and thither.

The camera will follow his dwindling form out the door and down the hallway as the Dowager Countess exclaims “Was he wearing tails or does he have one?”

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Christmas Day wp

Dear Santa

We had a wonderful first Christmas together, Santa. All that worrying about whether Grady would …water, the Christmas tree were for naught. He did seem somewhat surprised when he strolled around the end of the couch looking for his ball, only to stick his head in a small forest of fir branches. But you know him, he’s resilient.

And he was such a good boy. At least, until Michael arrived. Why is it that he never wants on the couch until my son shows up? That’s a rhetorical question Santa. I expect you’re far too busy negotiating the elves contract for 2013 to ponder such trivialities.

What I really wanted to talk to you about was his presents. More specifically, the squeakers in his toys. How much would it take to bribe those sadistic little b…bu…buddies of yours? I mean, it’s not that I don’t like squeakies, I do. But then, I like pecan pie too. One piece or so a year. You know, too much of a good thing.

So next year, could you perhaps come up with an alternating squeaky system so that only one toy can be squeaked at a time for say….30 seconds? And then it won’t squeak again for oh…maybe a week? I would really appreciate it. Thanks for the Advil too. Next year make it double strength.

For a blind dog who’s never “seen” Christmas before, he sure figured out the present thing pretty fast.

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