Why not? Why shouldn’t dogs leap to the heights of glory along with other athletes? Are they not physically adept? Graceful on their feet? Determined enough to focus on a single goal for their entire life? Of course they are. Although in most cases those goals are to chase the neighbour’s cat or steal anything edible they find, these minor deviations from the path of a true champion can be turned back in the right direction with a little work.
I was pondering this very thing the other day when I had Grady outside for a pee. He has style, grace and finesse, never shown more eloquently than when he’s watering the wisteria or urinating in the undergrowth. And voila, an idea was born. The Pee-Tathalon. Distance, speed, quantity, accuracy, and the artistic component: designs in snow.
In anticipation of the inaugural games, I have been putting Grady through his paces for the gruelling five component event. Since his bladder is only slightly smaller than a medieval vat of malmsey (approx. 1,000 gallons), the quantity win is a given. His ability to achieve any noteworthy distance depends on the locale of the contest, since tree branches tend to deflect his aim. We have no worry about accuracy because he can douse a mosquito in flight without even trying. The one possible bump on our road to fame and fortune is the speed portion of the competition. Grady has been known to stand in place, with stream in full flow long enough to run a marathon. Backwards. With his legs duct taped together.
When it comes to the artistic component, we’re going to wipe up the grounds with the competition. The very arch of his neck is enough to inspire rapturous tens from the judges. The majestic sweep of his tail and feathers along with a delicately poised paw, the appropriate distance off the ground and at the correct angle, pretty much has it in the bag already. We are keeping an excel spreadsheet of his progress, as I mark his efforts with each trip outside.
I really think this would fly. First, we’d have to get the AKC, CKC, IOC and other affiliated organizations on board. And they’ll want clearly defined rules and criteria as well as photos and videos. These may take me a while to supply. Grady has been somewhat uncooperative ever since I deducted half a point from his artistic score for expelling gas while he posed. I somehow doubt that tooting to “Pomp and Circumstance” will go down well with the judges.
You gotta be kidding! You took points off for what?
Vote For Grady!!!!
Don’t forget to keep voting for Grady in the Fido Casting Call, folks! We are so grateful to our blogger, Facebook, Golden Retriever and personal friends who have put Grady into the top 100 dogs as of today. Remember that every vote means a dollar for the Lions’ Guide Dog Canada program. We are raising awareness of blindness in dogs with Grady’s campaign, and hoping that our efforts will pay dividends when someone else sees that an abandoned, handicapped dog is a treasure not to be passed up. Voting continues until Sept.10, and you can vote once a day. Share the voting site with your friends: Fido Casting Call